The Scamander's Dating Program
by Falconflight
Summary: Lysander and Lorcan decide to open up a dating program for young wizards at Hogwarts. Roxanne/Scorpius, Lorcan/Lucy and Lily/OC Discontinued due to lack of reviews/self confidence.
1. Prologue

_**The idea for this came to me a while ago, and I finally got the time to type it up. R&R!**_

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**The Scamander's Dating Program**

**Prologue**

I was aroused by a severe thrashing. I knew who it was, Lysander. I just didn't know why he was waking me up so bloody early. I cracked open one eye and glared at him. It took a while for my eye to adjust to the light. (Mum and Dad signed up for 'Wizards on the Grid', so we have electricity now. Mum has her stove, Dad has his sprinklers, Lysander has the internet; I'm the only one who doesn't like the idea.) However, when my eye had adjusted to the light, I focused all of my glaring powers on Lysander.

"What the bloody hell do you want?" I demanded. Did I mention I hated being woken up early? Especially during Summer Break?

"I have an idea!" Lysander exclaimed.

I looked at the clock on my bed table. "And it couldn't wait two more hours? It's six o'clock in the bloody morning!"

"Sorry," Lysander apologized, not sounding very sorry at all.

"What are you even doing up at six?" I asked suspiciously.

Lysander went red. "Err… Dom came over-"

I groaned. Since Lysander's girlfriend wasn't coming to Hogwarts with us this year, Lysander was sneaking in as much snogging time as possible. Annoyed, I promptly pulled the covers back over my head.

"Go away," I snapped. "Wake me up in two hours."

"No," Lysander said firmly. He pulled the covers away, and dragged me out of bed by my ear.

"Ow!" I cried when he let go of me. Lysander shrugged. I glared at him. "Spit out your brilliant idea before I get even madder at you."

"A dating program at Hogwarts," Lysander announced with a very dramatic voice as if it was the best idea ever.

"You've been on the internet too much," I informed him, rolling my eyes.

"I didn't get the idea from the internet," Lysander said. "I got the idea when Dom and I were…" Lysander's voice drifted off and he went very pink.

"What would be in it for us?" I demanded.

"We could charge five galleons," Lysander suggested.

The idea didn't sound half bad. "Okay, we'll try it."

Lysander and I shook on it, and he left. (Probably to go snog Dom) Needless to say, I went back to sleep.


	2. My Best Frienemy

**Chapter 1 - My Best Frienemy**

**Lily's POV**

I woke up with a start. I wasn't in my bed in the girl's dormitories; I was sitting in a chair next to a fireplace. I stood up abruptly and displaced a pile of parchment and a bottle of ink as I did so. I fetched the papers and cleaned up the ink with a flash of my wand.

"I must've fallen asleep while I was working on the essay," I muttered.

The essay. It was hell for me, working on it. Professor Longbottom decided to assign us a Herbology essay where we have to work with someone else. Of course, it matched off perfectly for my best friends. I was stuck with my best frienemy. (I'm not 100% sure what a frienemy is; it's a term some of my friends use to describe us that they got from a Muggle TV show. According to Jane Satch, it means a person you hang out with that you hate.) Now, I had stayed up all night working on the essay, while my partner hadn't done a single thing to help.

"PHILLIP!" I roared.

A boy with sandy brown hair and a couple of freckles trudged down stairs. He glared at me. "What?"

"I stayed up all night working on this essay, and you didn't even lift a finger to help me!" I snarled.

Phillip Creevey looked at me like I was stupid. "I told you to finish _your _part of the essay and that I was going to work on my part tomorrow; it's not my fault you're such a know-it-all and have to do _everything _by yourself."

That one got to me. "I am _not _a know-it-all!"

"Are too!"

"Are not!"

"Are too!"

"Are not!"

"Guys, the sun's barely up, and you two are already bickering!"

We looked up and saw our friend Caroline Goodwin. "Sorry," we both muttered at the same time. We glared at each other.

Caroline put her hands on her hips. "What was it this time?"

"Lily stayed up all night working on _my _part of the essay," Phillip snapped. "And now she's accusing _me _of not helping!"

"Well, my bad," I snapped back. "But you called me a know-it-all!"

"Because you are," Phillip insisted.

I felt my ears go pink. "I am not!"

Caroline sighed. "You guys are acting like first years. Oh, look! A distraction!"

Phillip and I turned around. Usually when Caroline said stuff like that, it was just to stop us from bickering. However, this time, it was a genuine distraction.

"The Scamander Dating Program," I read aloud.

"We can all read," Phillip snapped, and then muttered something that sounded like know-it-all. I stepped on his foot.

**The Scamander Dating Program**

**Tired of being unloved and single? Want to find out who you'd most likely end up dating? Want to compare chemistry with someone? Fill out the form below, and, along with five galleons, send it to the Scamanders at the Ravenclaw table.**

"What's going on?" It was Jane Satch and my other friend, Morrigan Wood.

"The Scamanders have set up a dating program," I answered.

Morrigan laughed. "That'll fail for sure."

Phillip snickered.

"What?" I demanded.

"I bet Lily could never get someone who matched up with her," Phillip answered. "Lorcan and Lysander will stop at her description and realize she's so ugly no one would want to date her." Phillip laughed stupidly, and Caroline kicked him.

"I bet you couldn't get someone who matched up with you either," I snapped. "They'll get to your personality and realize that you're so repulsive and self-centered that people would run away crying after the first word you said." Caroline, Jane and Morrigan laughed.

We, my friends and I, had an interesting relationship. Phillip hates everybody (except his younger sister, Ruby Creevey), but he has some okay-friends. They just happen to be in different houses, and he hates everyone in Gryffindor. However, he hates us, my friends and I, the least. So, he still insults us with stupid insults, but we all laugh at him when he does. We all insult him back, too. He just loves picking on me, though, hence the term frienemies.

"I bet you five galleons that you can't get a match," Phillip offered. "And another five galleons that I can."

"I bet you five galleons that I can get a match," I agreed. "And five galleons that you can't."

"Ah, the frienemies strike again!" Jane announced, laughing. "I bet you ten galleons that you'll get each other."

"You're on," Phillip and I told her at the same time. I stepped on Phillip's foot again.

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**_I am aware that some of insults Phillip uses are stupid, but the LilyXOC relationship is based on my real-life experience with a guy, and this guy is stupid. Note that this is not a self-insert, I just felt that the experience is funny and would make a great relationship, since we already have too many 'falling in love with your enemy' or 'best friends' or 'falling in love with you enemy'. Also, frienemy is a term from Spongebob Squarepants. I'm not sure if that's how it's spelled in the show, but it will pop up often. It means someone who's your friend and your enemy, it's a complicated relationship._**


	3. Hexing Friends into Next Tuesday

_**Hello, my few fans! I'm sorry I haven't posted anything for this story in FOREVER. I hope you will forgive me for poofing from this with no explanation. I will continue to write this, though. Not too proud with the ending, but I do hope you enjoy this chapter.**_

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**Chapter 2-Hexing Friends into Next Tuesday**

**Scorpius' POV**

Sleep is a precious thing that few people love more than me, and few people enjoy being woken up to the annoying shouts and shakes that come with being best friends with Jay Flint and Vincent Goyle. So, needless to say, I was irritated when I woke up Saturday morning.

"Oi! Scorp!"

"I don't think he can hear us."

"Should we shake him again?"

"Be my guest. As for me, I prefer not to be hexed into next Tuesday when he wakes up."

I heard two distinct voices that had followed my abrupt awakening from the abode of sleep. My head was still ringing with drowsiness, so, instead of attempting to match the voices to names, I stared dully at the clock sitting on the bedside table.

_7:00am? Damn it! _I leapt out of bed, surprising my friends so badly Jay screamed. I knocked him over in a desperate attempt to reach my trunk_. I have to get dressed! I have to get to class! Which class do I have first? …What day is it?_

By the time I had finally forced the date out of a passing 1st year and glanced at the calendar Jay kept, my friends had laughed themselves silly. I grabbed my wand and fiddled it idly.

"Now about hexing you two into next Tuesday," I said casually.

Jay and Vincent glanced at each other. Jay gave Vincent a look, like _It's your turn to explain this to the hex-crazy blonde. _

"Well…" Jay mumbled, glaring at Vincent.

"We have a perfectly good explanation for waking you up on Saturday way too early," Vincent piped up.

"Is someone dying or did you finally get a girlfriend?" I asked sarcastically. Did I mention I'm grumpy in the morning- even on a good day?

"Well, it does involve girlfriends…" Vincent mumbled.

Finally, Jay couldn't keep it in any longer. "The Scamanders have set up a dating program!"

"A what?" I understood what the two words 'dating' and 'program' meant, but I couldn't quite understand how the two fit together, and how 'Scamanders' could be thrown in the mix.

"A dating program," Vincent explained. "It's a Muggle thing. Usually you'd submit a video to an online dating website and you could see other people who like your video and you can be set up on a blind date with them."

_Muggle nerd, _I thought. As the only one in our trio who took Muggle Studies, Vincent never failed to puzzle us when it came to things like this, though Jay and I were both far ahead of him in other classes.

"I don't think he gets it," Jay announced.

_No duh, Captain Obvious! _That was also a phrase Vincent had taught us.

"Let's just go look at the sign," Vincent grumbled.

**The Scamander Dating Program**

**Tired of being unloved and single? Want to find out who you'd most likely end up dating? Want to compare chemistry with someone? Fill out the form below, and, along with five galleons, send it to the Scamanders at the Ravenclaw table.**

"That's a load of-" I began.

"Yes, Scorp, we all know what you think it's a load of," Vincent interrupted, gesturing towards the 1st years in the common room.

"I think it's a really cool idea!"

I turned and saw Chloe Parkinson perched on one of the couches. Jay audibly groaned and Vincent and I shared pained looks. I didn't blame Jay, though. Chloe was the definition of stalker- and not a good one, at that. She had followed Jay everywhere last year and James Potter the year before that. This year, however, she had chosen to pursue me. Oh joy.

…That was sarcasm.

"Yep," I muttered, trying to avoid the uncomfortable stare she was giving me.

"Oh, Vincent!" Jay exclaimed.

"Yeah?" Vincent looked confused.

"Didn't you tell me you had to go check a book out from the library?" Jay had never been a very good liar- or a good winker.

"Oh yeah." Vincent, however, caught right on. "Sorry, Scorp, Chloe, we have to go."

"Bye!" The two chorused, dashing from the common room as quickly as possible. So much for friendship.

"Oh well." Chloe shrugged. "Who needs them around, right?"

_I do, _I thought miserably. I needed my mates to prevent my panic button from being pushed. _Maybe if I just tell her I'm going to do it, she'll go away._

"Are you submitting an entry?" I asked, trying to be as nonchalant as possible.

"Of course!" Chloe gushed.

"So am I," I told her. Her eyes filled with happiness. "I don't have five galleons with me right now, so- "

"Just borrow some of mine," Chloe offered, handing me five galleons.

_No way you'll get out of it this time Scorp, _I thought miserably as I snatched one of the forms and scribbled down the information as quickly as possible. A couple of the questions caught me by surprise, such as 'have you ever snogged before?' and the ever-more personal 'do you think you are a good snogger?' , but otherwise, I breezed right through it and quietly inched towards the door to the dungeons.

"Where are you going?" Chloe asked.

"The Great Hall," I answered slowly.

"I'll come with you!" she exclaimed.

"Actually, I have to go to the loo first," I mumbled. I wasn't much of a liar either, as it turned out.

I half expected her to same something stalker-ish like 'I'll come with you!' again, but she nodded and walked off. It was difficult to not sigh with relief. Sadly, the boys lavatory in the dungeons had flooded (Damn it! Again?), so I had been forced to go upstairs to continue my quest of destroying the entry form.

That plan was also vanquished when I ran into my on-and-off girlfriend, Rose Weasley. We were currently off, but that didn't mean I couldn't be friendly, right?  
"Hey, Rose!" I exclaimed.

She glanced at me. "Oh, hi."

"Are you going to the Great Hall?" I asked.

"No, I'm going to the moon," Rose snapped sarcastically. I guessed I wasn't the only one who had a rough start.

"Is something going on here?"

I turned to see Albus (Al) Potter glaring at me. Though he was shorter than me, his brown eyes were burning with fury behind his glasses.

"I was just going to ask if I could escort your lovely cousin to the Great Hall," I told him.

Al looked at Rose with a look of disbelief on his face. Rose regarded me closely, but finally said, "its okay, Al. I could use a little escorting."

I smiled smugly as I walked with Rose to the Great Hall, leaving Al glaring daggers in to my back and the form still in my pocket.


	4. Kung FuMaster Cousins

_**Encourage by two story alerts and one new review, I decided to post the next chapter. Once again, I'm not terribly proud of all of this chapter, and Roxanne's POV isn't neccesary and I probably could've done the chapter from a different POV, but I just wanted to introduce the four main POVs that will be used in the fanfic. So, enough rambling on my part. Go forth and R&R!**_

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**Chapter 3- Kung Fu-Master Cousins**

**Roxanne's POV**

I think I irritate people when I wake up super early and force them to wake up with me, but it has never bothered me. Annoying people is fun- especially people you hate. Like Scorpius Malfoy. But the fact that I loathe (like, really serious hatred) Malfoy isn't the point. The point is I wasn't the first one up. Lily, my cousin, and her friends had woken up before me and were staring intently at something.

"What's that?" I asked.

"Oh, hey Roxie," Lily said. Her friends echoed her greeting, except for Phillip. He just glared.

"So, what are you looking at?" I repeated.

"Come see for yourself- it's really stupid," Morrigan Wood invited.

"If it's so stupid, why did you fill out the form?" Phillip demanded.

"Does it look like I have anything better to do at 7:30 am on a Saturday?" Morrigan shot back.

"You could… throw yourself off the Astronomy Tower," Phillip suggested.

"Why don't I throw you off the Astronomy Tower?" Lily asked, leering.

"As I fall, I'll _Avada kadavra_ you," Phillip retorted. Everybody- including me- looked at him. "What? I'll die anyways!"

Everybody rolled their eyes. I turned back to the message board to read what it said.

**The Scamander Dating Program**

**Tired of being unloved and single? Want to find out who you'd most likely end up dating? Want to compare chemistry with someone? Fill out the form below, and, along with five galleons, send it to the Scamanders at the Ravenclaw table.**

"The Scamanders are setting up a dating program?" I echoed. It didn't seem like something my childhood friends would do. Lily nodded. "How many of you have signed up?"

"All of us," Caroline Goodwin answered. "Hugo probably will too when he finally wakes up."

Jane Satch whispered something to Morrigan, and she laughed. Knowing what most 4th years usually gossiped about, I reckoned it had something to do with Caroline having a crush on Hugo.

"SURPRISE ATTACK!"

One moment I was contemplating signing up, and the next I had an insane witch clinging to my back. The little fourth years laughed, and I shoved my attacker off angrily. I already knew who it was.

"Erica, don't ever do that again," I warned.

"I won't," Erica vowed, though it was hard to take her seriously when she was always dyeing her hair crazy colors with the wonderful Muggle invention, hairspray. The girl's dormitory would probably never stop smelling of the noxious fumes she sprayed. "Watcha lookin' at?"

"This." I pointed at the message posted on the bulletin board

Erica stared at it. "Interesting. Anyone have five galleons?"

I rolled my eyes. Did all friends enjoy steal- I mean, borrowing money? Regardless, I fetched her five golden coins. She was already scribbling down on one of the forms when I handed them to her.

"Damn it!" she exclaimed suddenly. "I'm out of ink. Could you go get me some, Roxie?"

I sighed. Erica was as much as slave driver as she was a best friend. Regardless, I started tromping up the stairs to the girls' dormitory. I saw Fred coming down from the boys' dormitory, and a plan hatched inside my head. I hurried over to him.

"Hello, dear annoying twin who wakes up freakishly early," Fred greeted when he saw me.

"Hello, dear irritating brother who sleeps until third period," I shot back.

Fred shrugged. "What can I say? What's the point of going to class if I'm just going to fall asleep again?"

"You **do **fall asleep again!" I exclaimed.

"Whoops," Fred muttered. "Do you have a reason for coming over here other than insulting me?"

"Yeah, I do. Erica needs more ink, and I need you to get it," I told him.

Fred contemplated what I had said. "Okay. I'll go get some for her," he answered at last.

_Yay, _I thought. _Less walking up and down stairs for me._ I walked back to where Erica was attempting to squeeze some last few letters out of her ink bottle. "Fred's gone to get you more," I reported.

"Oh, good. Fred's reliable," Erica mumbled, brushing her currently-colored orange hair behind an ear.

There was more whispering on Jane and Morrigan's part. I could've sworn I heard my name. Then Malfoy's name. Those are two names that don't belong in the same sentence unless 'hate' is in the middle.

"What did you say?" I demanded, rounding on them.

"Oh, come on Roxie! Don't terrify the little fourth years!" Erica begged.

Morrigan started at me. "She doesn't scare me-"

I fumbled in my pocket for my wand.

"-that much," she added quickly.

Erica hit me on the shoulder. "See what you did? You are indirectly making me less popular! I mean, what do you think they're going to say when they hear my best friend loves scaring the crap out of little kids."

"We aren't little!" Caroline cried indignantly.

"You're still shorter than us," I reminded her.

Phillip snorted. "Caroline is shorter than **me**, and Lily is uglier than me."

Lily kicked him in the shin. Way to go, little cousin.


	5. About Gryffindor Pus Balls

_**Not my favorite chapter ever. Oh well. I hope you R&R anyways.**_

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**Chapter 4- About Gryffindor Pus Balls **

**Lorcan's POV**

Despite how much it pains me to say it, Lysander was right. The dating program was a good idea, and a popular one at that. We were just arriving to the Great Hall, and already there were a dozen owls, each one carrying letters heavy with five galleons.

"Jackpot!" Lysander exclaimed when we entered the Great Hall.

Even I was slightly awe-struck. _Why would so many people agree to do such a stupid thing? _I wondered. Or perhaps the idea wasn't that stupid, and I was just being narrow-minded

"Hey Lorcan!"

I turned. It was Lucy. "Hello Lucy."

"So, I saw your sign-" she began, brushing a lock of blonde hair away from her eyes. I wondered what she would think of it. "- and I think it's a fabulous idea. Here's my form- I wanted to give it to you in person." Lucy reached into her robes and pulled out a small envelope. "I only have four galleons- is that okay?" she asked nervously.

"Of course," I told her, though I knew Lysander wouldn't agree. I took the envelope from her snow-white hand. "Thanks, Lucy. I'll make sure to match you up first."

Lucy was about to say something, probably thank you, when Emmett McClaggen appeared at her side. _Of all the times for that Gryffindor pus ball to show up, why now? _I mentally wailed.

"Hey Lucy," he said. "What's up?" I was hardly surprised he ignored me.

"I was just talking to Lorcan," Lucy replied.

"Oh, hello Scamander." His dark eyes raked over me thoughtfully.

"Yes, hello McClaggen," I snapped back. If he wanted to use my surname, then I would use his.

"Is there something you want, Emmett?" Lucy asked, quickly redirecting the conversation.

"Yes, actually, there is." Emmett rummaged through his robes until, at last, he pulled out a small coupon. "I won a coupon for two free butterbeers at the Three Broomsticks. I was wondering if you'd like to come with me this weekend to Hogsmeade, and we can use this together."

"Sorry, but Lucy and I will be going to Hogsmeade together this weekend," I cut in. There was no way I was letting him take her to Hogsmeade with out a bit of resistance.

"I think that's for Lucy to decide," Emmett argued. We both turned to look at Lucy.

Lucy's cheeks flushed. "I… I did promise Lorcan I'd go to Hogsmeade with him, but- maybe we can do it next time."

Emmett stared at me, then Lucy, then me again. "No, never mind. They expire soon anyways…" Emmett turned and started walking away.

Maybe I was imagining things, but I could've sworn I saw a smug smile on Emmett's lips when Lucy turned to me and asked, "do you mind if I go with him this time?" My throat constricted and I clenched my fists with anger. I could only nod sharply in response; if I opened my mouth, I would probably say something rude and insulting.

Lucy turned and hurried after Emmett. She didn't even notice my rage. _And why should she? _I wondered. _She's nothing more than my best girl friend. Best friend that is a girl. We're not boyfriend and girlfriend._

I heard Emmett laugh, and then he strode over to me. He had a smug smirk on his face. I instinctively backed up as he approached me, closing the distance in between us until my back was on the wall. I could feel my skin crawling and sweat dripping down my back. I was used to being intimidated by Slytherins, most of them older and bigger than me, but I had never thought I would be faced down by a Gryffindor. Still, I would put anything past him.

"Here's a tip for the future if you enjoy the shape of your nose," Emmett warned (to be perfectly honest, I didn't like the shape of my nose, but I got the threat anyways), "stay away from Lucy. If she actually liked you, she would've asked you out years ago. But she never once showed any signs of liking you, so that's just something you're going to have to deal with. 'Kay, squirt?"

"Don't call me squirt." I tried to sound threatening, but it came out as more of a squeak.

"Do you actually think you can stand up to me?" Emmett asked, chuckling.

"It's just a suggestion," I muttered, anger rising up above my fear.

"And I've got a suggestion for you: stay away from Lucy, or your face will get very friendly with my fist," Emmett threatened, raising his fist for emphasis.

"Suggestion noted," I said, addressing his fist.

"Good," Emmett said. "I really didn't want to pound Hogwarts' favorite nerd's face in."

I could've sighed with relief as Emmett walked off. Though I wasn't happy that he and Lucy were going on a date, I was glad he was gone. _And now I can get to work matching up all of the forms. _I glanced over to where Lysander was sitting impatiently, glaring at me. I prepared myself for a long rant as I headed over to the Ravenclaw table.


	6. Tossing Gryffindor Bravery to the Wind

_**Speedy update because... I GOT IN TO POTTERMORE! Haven't heard of it? Then you shouldn't cal yourself a Harry Potter fan! Well, I'm joking, obviously. Still, I am SO happy it's not even funny. So, you get a speedy update 'cause I'm FREAKING HAPPY RIGHT NOW. Oh, and my username is BludgerMarauder152, so you can find me if you happen to get lucky and get in too. Now go read.**_

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**Chapter 5- Tossing Gryffindor Bravery to the Wind**

**Roxanne's POV**

After much convincing (mostly by Erica), we (James, Fred and I) agreed to sign up for the Scamander Dating Program (though Erica insisted the name was too long and dubbed it the SDP). So, that's what led to me sitting in the Great Hall fifteen galleons poorer; Fred hadn't had any money either; I guess brothers like to steal money too.

I saw two people enter the Great Hall followed by a sulking Al Potter. I knew instantly who they were based on that small observation: Malfoy and Rose. Malfoy was lucky Hugo hadn't noticed yet, or he would be in trouble.

Malfoy kissed Rose's hand and pranced off towards the Slytherin table. I nearly wretched thinking about it and, when Malfoy wasn't looking, Rose wiped her hand on her robe. I snickered softly.

"Roxie, are you going to come with me to the girl's bathroom?" Erica asked.

"Why would I do that?" I asked, instantly regretting it. There were things about Erica that I did not want to know.

"Sally Abercrombie said I couldn't dye my hair in the girl's dormitory anymore," Erica explained.

_Why am I not surprised? _I had always known Erica would get kicked out of something eventually (the getting-both-of-us-kicked-out-of-Madam-Puddifoot's incident doesn't count).

"I thought we were waiting to find out who we got paired up with," I reminded her.

Erica shrugged and turned to Fred. "If our letters from the Scamanders arrive, can give them to us?"

Fred nodded obediently and shot a look at James. I rolled my eyes. "Don't you dare look at them, Fred, James."

"We won't," they chorused.

"They totally will," Erica muttered once we were out of the Great Hall.

"Then why did you give them the task of keeping up with it if it came?" I demanded.

"Who was I supposed to give it to, Sally?" She made a good point.

"Okay, let's go." I sighed.

"Oh, there's a catch," Erica added.

I mentally groaned. I understood immediately what she was talking about. "Do we have to use Moaning Myrtle's bathroom?"

"And according to some poor first year, Peeves is lurking around the staircase on the way up," Erica added, smiling cheerily.

"Why do we have to use Moaning Myrtle's bathroom?" I repeated.

"Well, if I have to use a bathroom to dye my hair, I'd rather do it in a bathroom that's fun and interesting," Erica replied.

Erica is the only person I know who could think Moaning Myrtle's bathroom is fun. I mean, you can't get more creepy than the Chamber of Secrets plus the whiny ghost doomed to forever haunt the chamber pots.

"Is there away around Peeves?" I asked hopefully.

"You know Peeves- there's never a way around him," Erica reminded me.

_Of course. How silly of me to forget, _I thought moodily. "Let's go before the zombie apocalypse happens," I muttered. Excuse me for being slightly irritated, but Erica was always pulling me around for stunts like this. That's how the getting-both-of-us-kicked-out-of-Madam-Puddifoot's incident happened!

"Don't joke about the zombie apocalypse- it will happen," Erica insisted.

"Of course it will." I rolled my eyes.

"Well, there are ghosts. Why not zombies?" Erica demanded.

"Inferi are bewitched corpses- they're nothing like the zombies in those disaster movies you're so fond of." Let's just say I had spent a little too much time at Erica's house and that's how I stumbled upon the slightly disturbing fact that Erica loves disaster movies.

"Well, someone can raise an army of inferi and make them act like zombies," Erica suggested.

I was about to tell Erica the idea was preposterous, but suddenly a wet rubbery thing hit the back of my head. Water soaked my hair and dripped down my back. It had only been a matter of time before…

"Peeves!" I whirled around and saw the poltergeist lobbing water balloons over the edge of the staircase. The ghost leered, sent another water balloon spiraling towards us, and faded into the wall.

"Should we make a run for the girl's lavatory?" I asked.

"Since when has Peeves ever respected boundaries, and since when do Gryffindors run?" Erica asked. She whisked out her wand, her eyes alight with determination.

"Since we have no chance against him," I argued. It was quiet in the corridor. "I think he's gone, though."

Just as I said that, another water balloon whistled through the air. I ducked just in time, and the water balloon nailed Erica in the face. I laughed as she peeled the rubber off of her face, and she glared at me at first, but then she started laughing too.

Two water balloons flew by our heads. One rattled a suit of armor and the other hit a portrait, much to the old sleeping man's fury. He grabbed a slipper and dashed through the paintings towards Peeves.

Many more water balloons whizzed towards us. Erica, who had her wand out, sent the water balloons flying the other way. They passed through Peeves nonexistent body and exploded on a nearby staircase. Just then, the staircase moved and the water balloon fell down below. We both snickered as an unfortunate passerby got soaked by the water balloon.

"What's going on up there? I'm going to give detention to the student who threw that and deduct 25 house points from that same house." A voice called out from below.

We both learned pretty quickly who the unfortunate passerby was. It was clearly a professor, and his voice echoed up from the dungeons. Sure enough, we heard heavy footsteps climbing up the stairs.

"Professor Nott," I mouthed.

"Well what are we waiting for?" Erica mouthed back. Then, she shouted, "RUN!"

So much for Gryffindor bravery.

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**_Who's your favorite OC so far? You've met most of the main ones._**

**_Well, I have to go or my laptop will run out of battery. Review. 'Cause obviously if you're reading this, you've already read the chapter._**


	7. A Food Fight

_**I am REALLY sorry about the two-month delay! I've just been really busy recently with school starting up. A thousand apologies! Please R&R!**_

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**Chapter 6- Any Nourishing Substance that is Eaten, Drunk or Otherwise Taken into the Body to Sustain Life, Provide Energy, Promote Growth, etc. + A Battle or Combat (In other words, a Food Fight)**

**Lily's POV**

All of my friends and my frienemy sat at the Gryffindor table, and, like so many others in the Great hall, we were waiting anxiously for the letters from the Scamanders. I glanced over to where they were sitting at the Ravenclaw table; it seemed like they were working their arse off, yet somehow they managed to keep owls in the air, causing chaos in the aerial section of the Great Hall.

"Do you have your galleons ready?" Jane asked.

Phillip and I nodded. "Prepare to be five galleons poorer," I told him.

"Actually, each of you is going to be thirty galleons poorer," Jane corrected. Morrigan and Caroline had also taken out bets that we would get each other.

_We're frienemies, not love interests! _I thought, glaring at them, each friend/frienemy in turn.

"Looking at something, weirdo?" Phillip asked when I glared at him.

"Just the size of your overlarge nose," I replied, smiling sweetly.

Phillip blinked as he tried to think of a good retort. "Well… your nose is larger than my nose!"

I snorted. "Is that the best you could come up with?"

Phillip paused. "Is your mum a pig? Because you definitely snort like one."

Weasleys are recognizable by their unusual ginger hair and their protectiveness for other Weasleys (or Potters in my case). So Phillip's comment about Mum stung. I knew exactly how to get him back, though.

"Do you like the Holyhead Harpies?" I asked.

"Yeah, but what does that have to do with anything?" Phillip looked so confused, and I smirked.

"My mum, Ginny Weasley, was the player that led them to triumph over all the other Quidditch teams," I explained, smirking.

"Ginny?" Phillip asked, gawking. The gawk faded, though, and an evil light lit inside Phillip's eyes. I knew he was forming a cutting retort. "I would've never guessed. I mean, your mum is so hot and you're so ugly!"

Something about that remark sent me over the edge. I grabbed the nearest thing, which happened to be my orange juice, and threw it at him. The sticky orange liquid exploded on him, covering his face and plastering his hair.

Phillip angrily retaliated by grabbing a handful of scrambled eggs off of Morrigan's plate and launching them at me. The eggs were scrambled soft, too, so wet yolk stuck to my hair while yellow chunks of egg slid down my face.

"Get your own food, Egg-head," Morrigan snapped, flinging a sausage at Phillip.

Jane giggled. Morrigan turned and glared at her.

"What are you laughing at?" Morrigan demanded.

"Egg-head. And he stole eggs from you," Jane said through bursts of laughs.

Morrigan glowered. "No pun intended." To prove her point, Morrigan took a stick of above room-temperature (melted) butter and threw it at Jane.

"Don't start a food fight," Caroline warned.

I think we were lucky, considering Erica wasn't in the Great Hall when Caroline said that, or things would be more chaotic, but we had something that was pretty close to her: Fred and James. I looked over towards the two older boys, who were wearing creepily-identical grins.

_Three, two…_

"FOOD FIGHT!"

A half-eaten, syrup-covered pancake soared over the heads of the Gryffindors and slapped a Hufflepuff in the head. A Ravenclaw bewitched a syrup container to fly around and pour hot maple syrup onto un-expecting students. Slytherins were flinging random objects at people- **sharp **random objects. Owls hooted and fluttered back and forth, trying to dodge the raining food. The professors were trying to get a grip on the students again, but the chaos only rose faster.

"**SILENCE!**"

All heads turned towards the professors' table where Professor McGonagall stood with her wand to her throat. She glared down on all of the students. She put her wand back into her robes.

"Thank you," she said curtly. "Now, I trust that none of you will ever submit yourselves to such outrageous and rude behavior again. James Sirius Potter and Fred Charlie Weasley, I will see you in my office."

I heard my brother and cousin groan. It would suck to start the year off with a detention, but if anybody could get a detention on the first week back, it was Fred and James. But I'm sure Phillip could do it if he really tried.


End file.
